that we enjoy. it's followed tomorrow by nationally loose bowel movement day. >> every state but one colorado now have obesity rates over 20%. a dozen states mostly in the south have even topped 30%. >> those numbers are astounding. it's just -- it's huge. it's a huge signal. >> jon: i don't know if it's a huge signal. a built for comfort signal. here is how it's gotten so bad so fast. just 20 years ago not a single state had an obesity rate above 50%. today 38 states are above 258%. meaning america's only growth industry is growth. >> chalk it up to big portions and couch potatoes. >> we're eating less nutrition

food. >> how about the bacon nateor double kneel weighs in at 2332 calories. >> jon: that's the problem we've weaponnized our food. isn't there a comprehensible theory that makes it sound like it's not our fault. >> think obesity will turn out to be environmental related. i think the peptide composition of people has changed. i think there's really interesting unpublished research -- [laughter]ççó >> jon: are you saying it's us eating environment peptide mutation crunch that is causing this? we either mend our double down ways or we end up so obese we stop reproducing because we can't locate our genitals. i think it takes a new generation of americans. >> at more than 16 pounds michael brown could be the

largest baby born in texas. >> jon: we're going need a bibi impressive resume. i see you're flatulent in three languages. graduated top of your gas. [ male announcer ] got gas on your mind? your son rip is on line toot. [ male announcer ] try gas-x. powerful relief from pressure and bloating in a fast-acting chewable. gas-x. pressure's off. [ male announcer ] this july the classic subway italian b.m.t.®

is the next featured $5 footlong™ of the month! with kickin' genoa salami, spice-tacular pepperoni, black forest ham, and melty cheese. it joins our $5 footlongs™ in july only! subway. eat fresh. >> jon: welcome back. my guest tonight professor at new york university's stern school of business, his new book which he coauthored is called "guaranteed to fail fannie mae, freddie mac and the debacle of mortgage finance." please welcome to the program matthew richardson.

sir -- [cheers and applause] thanks for being here. >> feels good to be here. >> jon: the book is called guaranteed to fail. it feels like they haven't gotten a tremendous amount of attention as far as our entire mortgage debacle and crashing of the echmm. [laughter] what is your feeling -- are they primarily responsible for this collapse? partially? >> yes. i think there should be tremendous outrage at the mortgage finance system. fannie and freddie were smack in the middle of this. you took the two firms with public government backing. they went from just a little bitty players in the early 1980's to at the time of the crisis they owned 50% of mortgage market, $5 trillion of mortgage debt at risk with little capital underneath it and

we're paying for it. you're paying for it. i'm paying for it. the audience is paying for it. >> jon: the idea is that the trick they were pulling was they go to congress and say, don't worry you're not on the hook for this. and they would go to wall street and say don't worry congress will pay if this goes south. >> that's exactly correct. they were a private firm. they make the profits but the rest was borne by the taxpayer, again, all of us, you combine those together it's a nasty mix. >> jon: how do they privatize profit. i'm curious as to how profit gets privatized and losses get socialized. how does that seem to work? >> they're guaranteed to fail. they have no capital underneath them. they control a huge amount of mortgage market. if things go well which they did for ten years, they are rating the money -- >> jon: who are the

shareholders is that us? >> the people that bought stock in fannie and freddie. if you bought that stock -- >> jon: you have to own their stock? >> that's right. >> jon: why were they allowed to -- i understand it is in many respects a noble endeavor to help people own theirijis it n? isn't there value to that? >> we subsidized housing sox we got people to borrow more than they could afford to buy houses bigger than they tphaoefpld it's great when everything is going up and when the pyramid begins to collapse you feel the pain. >> jon: would we have felt the same pain. why was fannie and freddy allowed to buy into the derive actives market. why did they get into that business? >> they were simple institutions they bought simple mortgage backed supreme courts and guarantee the default risk on mortgages. your point about the mortgage

securities market is well taken. we describe it as a race to the bottom. on the one hand you have fannie mae, freddie mac we call it godzilla. you have the banks we call king congress. we want the reader to envision they are looking at downtown tokyo look the at godzilla and king kong battling it out. you have to deal with both and the large institutions. >> jon: when godzilla and king kong are attacked in tokyo is there a regulatory alive that could zap them with a gamma ray? or how do you battle that type of -- it strikes me as, if we're backing them and backing the private mortgage insurers who are we not becoming and how could we as the american public

have won in the first place. >> once you made them king÷ú kog and godzilla there's nothing you can do. you have to prevent them from becoming that. >> jon: do you have faith there can be an aggressive streamline, not cumbersome bureaucracy, regulatory regime that could control these things or is it politcally not feasible? >> i don't know about the politics. in the book we have a three-stage plan to get from where we are now to where we want to be. first we stop messing around and wind down fanny and freddie. second we need to wean mortgage finance off the government. you can't do it cold turkey. you have to do it gradually. our plan takes a decade to do that. >> jon: we'll be here then. if they fight for a decade that should be all right. we're all going to die! [laughter] >> it's been three years we

haven't done anything. you have to address it at some point. you would hope a private mortgage finance system well functioning. you have to have it well regulated and if you have that you have a much better functioning economy afterwards. >> jon: one word yes or no is that -- there any possibility in this universe that that gets done? >> 50/50. >> jon: "guaranteed to fail" it's really disturbing. get it. ♪ all righty. oh, oh. you are a little biscuit. i'm carol. uh, we should skedaddle 'cause it's girls' night. so...okay. oh, wow. you got a skinny-dipping scene after the duel, right?

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[cheers and applause] >> jon: that's our show. join us tomorrow night at 11:00. here it is your moment of zen. >> first lady michelle was seen ordering a cheesebugger, fries captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org

captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( applause ) [cheers and applause] >> stephen: very nice. [cheers and applause] [crowd chanting stephen] [cheers and applause] thank you so much, ladies and gentlemen. thank you for is joining us.

that is the pure uncut stuff you just gave me. i wish i could cook you people up in a spoon. folks, we are only 16 months away from the 2012 presidential election. i'm as excited as a kid on the 483rd night before christmas. [laughter] and what's got me jazzed is that the republican field is brimming with superstars. i don't know how i'll decide between the ten of them. it's like an all-you-can-eat you got white bread, white rice, cream of wheat, potatoes, mash potatoes, boiled potatoes, potato flakes, mayonnaise, packing peanuts, and for dessert: herman cain. [cheers and applause] that was tasty. jimmy, give me some more of that

sweet candy cain. ♪ he's a true son of the south born and raised the american way ♪ his dad was a farmer with clothes on his back but he raised some cain and never looked back herman cain ♪ oh, herman cain ♪ get aboard the herman cain train >> stephen: wooh! i am on board the herman cain train! the main cain train! partly because when it comes to presidential candidates, i'm names. and i am insane in the membrane for herman cain. he's hotter than propane. though, he should use some rogaine. [laughter] it's herman for sure-man. he drinks tequila, and leaves the worm in. [laughter]

the other candidates are squirmin'. i've determined he's not german. plus the other reason i like him is you know cain is fiscally conservative, because that video could not have cost more than $12. [cheers and applause] that's my man. that's the guy! and i'm mostly excited because cain is going to be my guest on thursday, july 28th. write that on your ipad in ink! [laughter] he will not only be sitting down with me but with the head of colbert super pac. and that guy is looking to endorse somebody. [laughter] of course, before i endosed him, cain would have to sign this-- my candidate's pledge-- first. it's blank right now. i don't have any idea what it is. i would get him to sign a blank

piece of paper and it will be something good, america and stuff like that. but i've got to get one because everyone who's anyone in republican circles has one. grover nor quist has an antitax pledge. senator jim demint got an anti-earmark pledge, and i'm pretty sure mitch mcconnell has inspired millions to take an abstinence pledge. [laughter] but right now scandal is rocking the republican pledge-scape. for more, let's go to me on a different camera. [laughter] thanks stephen. there's something called the "marriage vow" put out by the iowa conservative christian group, the family leader and it's head, bob vander plaatz. in the 14-point pledge candidates have to first vow "personal fidelity to my spouse." it's essential for candidates to swear to that one.

cuz that vow they said at their wedding (bleep). this is something binding -- a pdf sent to you by some guy named vander plaatz. [ applause ] the rest of the pledge defends marriage by vowing "vigorous opposition to intimate unions which are bigamous, polygamous, polyandrous, same sex, etc." [laughter] that et cetera is an essential catch-all, because there's a lot of freaky stuff goin' on in iowa. [laughter] okay? man on corn, corn on man, corn on cob, butter on corn on cob on man. but i know what you're thinking, "stephen, that sounds delicious, [laughter] but i thought you said this pledge had something controversial in it." well, it does. in the preamble to the pledge. here on the first page.

>> it says that slavery had a disastrous impact on african-american families, yet sadly a child born into slavery in 1860 was more likely to be raised by his mother and father in a two-parent household than was african-american baby born after the election of the first of usa's first african-american president. >> stephen: tough medicine, but it's true. under slavery not only did black kids have a father and a mother, but a lot of time they had a biological father who also owned them. that's being invested in your kids lives. [laughter] so far only two candidates have had the courage to sign the pledge. one was former public figure rick santorum. jim? >> this is a pledge you would sign? >> in fact i actually did sign, yes. >> you did sign it. >> look, when i first read it i was taken aback, but i can't argue that i wasn't. >> stephen: yes, he signed it, but only after he was taken

aback, okay? goes like this. oh, my god. oh, no. what the -- what the -- (bleep) okay. [laughter] [cheers and applause] but the other person to step up, do the right thing and sign the pledge is michele bachmann who used the public backlash against the preamble's insensitive slavery reference to make a sensitive slavery reference. >> here is the statement against her spokeswoman. she believes slavery was horrible and economic enslavement is also horrible. >> yes, taxation is economic slavery. and michele bachmann stands up against slavery in all forms-- whether it's the slavery of healthcare-- >> this is slavery. it's nothing more than slavery.

>> stephen: the slavery of the national debt-- >> it is a slavery, it is a slavery that is a bondage to debt and a bondage to decline. >> stephen: or slavery of the loins-- >> if you're involved in the gay and lesbian lifestyle, it's bondage. it is personal bondage, personal despair and personal enslavement. >> stephen: yes, personal enslavement. or personal domination, depending on what role you're playing that night. the important thing is to have a personal safe-word. perhaps bachmann. you see, she's sensitive to the pain of slavery because to her, everything is slavery. "dont' walk" signs -- that's just ambulatory slavery. [laughter] fat free cheese -- that's just flavor slavery or "flavory." [laughter] the family leader has pulled the slavery statement from the preamble but these two signed it before they took the

slavery language out. and i hope they live by those words. but with all these pledges out there, how can candidates keep track of everything they're supposed to be honoring? well, i'm proud to introduce stephen colbert's pledge shock collar. [laughter] it's the same sound-recognition technology that trains dogs to stop barking. it's got two electrodes, right here. you just strap it on the candidate like this. get that sucker on there nice. and tight. okay. there you go. okay. now. the candidate wears it, and if the candidate ever forgets the pledges he has signed and -- i don't know -- says that we should raise taxes on the top two per-- arrrrgggghhh! [ applause ] we'll be right back.

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[cheers and applause] >> stephen: welcome back, everybody. thank you very much. [cheers and applause] nation, all's fair when it comes to covering presidential candidates but there are some things in politics that are off-limits -- like a candidates' spouse or children. but lately, the blame-stream media has started going after michele bachmann's husband dr. marcus bachmann. they're attacking his christian psycho-therapy business in an attempt to ruin his good name. >> dr. bachmann's brand of counseling is highly controversial and could become a campaign issue.

dr. bachmann runs a christian counseling firm. that at times, according to former patients, has tried to convert gay men into heterosexuals through christian prayer. >> stephen: christianity is the only way to cure gayness. just get on your knees, take a swig of wine, and accept the body of a man into your mouth. [laughter] now in the past, dr. bachmann has denied that his counseling center engages in gay therapy. but the gay rights organization "truth wins out" sent an undercover homosexual, posing as an over-cover homosexual, to record his counselors with secret homosexual cameras. jim? >> he could cure your homosexuality? >> yes. >> is that what he said? >> yes. >> the truth is god has designed our eyes to be attracted to the women's body, to be attracted to everything, to be attracted to her breasts.

>> stephen: yes! breasts! thank you, jesus! [laughter] god wants us to stare at them! that's why he put those little things on the tip -- what do you call them? little chest penises? whatever, niblets. whatever! and when the gay man asked the counselor if it was advisable to attend a friends' gay wedding, the counselor recommended he go with "a heterosexual accountability buddy in tow." [laughter] sound advice. when going to a same sex gay wedding, always bring another dude. [laughter] that way he can drink with you, dance with you, and share a hotel room with you. remember -- insist on one king sized bed. because two queens is kind of gay. [laughter] [cheers and applause]